I was in the shower and thinking about chopping my locks off. For practical reasons, and mythical as well. Practical because I hate washing my hair. It’s so long and cumbersome. Mythical because well, probably to start anew.
I thought and thought about it. How it may shock me. How it may shock others. What if I don’t like it. What if it’s ugly. Then I stopped. And laughed. Just cutting my hair and I overthink it. I don’t even have the guts to go at it by myself! I was thinking of ways to ask Rin to come with me.
So much for living free and careless. So much for never thinking too far ahead. So much for the hippie life. No, I’m not entirely lazy about my life, maybe most of the time, but it’s not the same in my head.
See, I know things will be different from a week now. He’ll eventually call. Or I will be sobbing over the phone. We’ll work around this mess. The mess that we created. More like the trail of destruction we move ard with.
But right now, it feels like shit.
But being the common sense girl I am, what do I do? I live as normally as I can, life has to go on, I go out, I eat (perhaps more than I should), I smile and laugh. I try not to talk too much abt myself.
It’s okay if no one cares. We all die alone anyway.
There’s still saving grace, for I’m not entirely suicidal.
I just wish I wasn’t this unhappy.
